In 2010 I have fallen, deeply, madly in love. With Roller Derby. As per usual my love seemed unreachable.
For the next months I'll be battling the dragons of laziness, fat and cigarettes in order to win eternity in Derby Bliss.
That and I would love to look good in booty shorts for the first time in my life...EVER.
Feel free to follow me as I finally take up the glove against...me I guess.
Dear ADD board, Fresh meat Committee and all other important ADD people,
Through this mail I would like to thank you for welcoming me in your midst the way you have. For giving me a chance to try and start loving derby once again. I want to thank you for accommodating me, involving me and being the awesome people you are. You've done all you could to help a derby depressed girl out.
And I wished I could say it worked. I wished all your efforts and love had been enough. But I am sad to admit, it didn't and it wasn't. I have tried and perked myself up time and time again, but my love of playing derby has really died. I felt it the most during the preparations for your last bout. Everyone was stoked, as they should be. I couldn't even find a spark within myself that was remotely as firestarting as you were, or as I should have been. I just couldn't be bothered.
Whenever I hear someone talk about derby, my stomach turns, and I cannot fathom why this person is so damn happy about it. I know, that is bad.
So I've given all this a lot of thought, and decided I will not force myself to be involved in something that I don't enjoy anymore. In other words, I write you, to tell you I am quitting ADD. I wished it were different, but this is what feels best to me. I want to thank you for all your kindness and help. I will always be a fierce ADD supporter (I own the legwarmers to prove it) and if ever I fall into good money I will sponsor the shit out of you.
Until then, thank you again for everything, keep winning, stay ADD.
Love,
Asa Spades
I was happy to find out, they completely understood. I got the sweetest reply possible. In keeping with the ADD awesomeness.
So I guess this is the official end of me as a derby girl.
I will finish that damn challenge though, even if it kills me.
Wow! I just saw that the schedule for week 6 was posted in the Roller Derby Workout Group. And I completely missed out on week 5. Shit. I guess I am too busy at work. MEH.
So here goes;
Day 34 was a no- workout day. And I immediately felt bummed. Luckily I had a theatre-try-out with my ukulele group that night to keep my mind occupied.
Day 35 I went to the gym for a good 2 hrs. Incorporated a 45 minute run. Felt awesome. Went home had dinner and one glass of wine...and instantly got a headache and a fever. Thought it was dehydration. But noooo I had the FLU!
Day 36 I spent in bed drinking vitamins, popping ibuprofen and cursing. I had planned to go on a nice roadtrip to see a friend on the other side of Holland, I even rented a car to go there, but had to cancel all. M. still hasn't killed me. Could someone hand that guy a medal? Or two?
Day 37 I felt a lot better, but still a bit feverish. Slept a lot during the day, ate a bar of chocolate and realised I could go to work the next day. Cursed. Was utterly frustrated that I hadn't been able to exercise the entire weekend, and of course couldn't get to sleep due to the sleeping during the day. Drove M. to almost kill me, but he just went to bed and left me on the couch frustrated and hating myself. Great weekend indeed.
Day 38 Of course I am well enough to work. Luckily I took of half a day, so at 12.30 I'll be gone! Looking forward to thorough workout tonight. Really need it. BAD!
Aaaaand here's homework week 5!
1. What is your favorite strength training exercise? I'd have to say planks. I hate them immensely, but am also super proud whenever I beat my own best time. And they give you a great stomach.
2. What is your favorite cardio exersise? I'd never thought I'd say this, but it is running. Really. I can completely zone out and feel absolutely awesome afterwards.
3. How long did it take you to get your crossover? Did you celebrate :) I think it took me weeks. To do a crossover right over left. The other way round took me to this day. I still cannot do it to save my life. I know. I suck.
4. Name the skate shop or website that you purchase your gear. Give 'em a shout out. There are more: Suckerpunch in Belgium Quad Roller Skate Shop in Germany Triple 3 in Holland
5. Name three derby owned businesses!
Let me repeat: Suckerpunch in Belgium
I don't know where to start. I really don't know.
Let's see what I remember:
Day 22 I went to the gym for a very thorough session. Yay.
Day 23 I worked the entire day. No exercise. Not even challenge exercises.
Day 24 I went to the gym. Awesome
Day 25 I went to the gym again. Awesomer!
Day 26 I missed Roller Derby Practice due to a meeting from hell. I am sad to say I didn't mind as much as I think would be ethical.
Day 27 I went to the gym for over 2 hrs. Awesomest?
Day 28 I took off of work to go to the gym. I know. Insane.But Awesome.
Day 29 I had the honor to announce the first official Roller Derby Bout in Holland. ADD vs RGA (Kaiserslautern). I was dressed as...something in a lucha libre mask. I had contemplated to go as lucha leche and wear a milk-carton cape. But I had no time nor milk cartons. MEH.
Day 30 I went to a workshop manufacturing a deer head. Yes you read that right. no exercise. I did start a new diet though.
Day 31 I went to the gym for 2+ hrs again. Stoked.
Day 32 I had a really really bad day at work. Went home to lick my wounds and sulk on couch. A miracle M. hasn't kicked me out yet.
Day 33 I am, as I type, waiting for my manager to show up and have that, I quote: 'very very important meeting that cannot wait until tomorrow'. And I am thus missing out on Roller Derby Practice AGAIN. Great. I do hope I will be in time to catch a spinning class at the gym. So I won't feel completely worthless. Also, M. might want me off the couch and smiling. I guess that'd be a welcome change.
Conclusion:
Exercise is going awesome. I start to feel a slight addiction. That might need monitoring before I turn into something nastier than I already am. Diet is going great. Even my critical eyes see I am losing weight and firming up.
As for my mood ...I need to tend to that. It is all work related, but as work will not slow down in the near future I really need to find a way in dealing with it without spewing my poison towards M. Or anybody else for that matter.
So as my manager still hasn't shown; Homework week 4!
1. What is your favorite healthy snack?
Red pepper slices, cucumber slices or humus.
2. Tell us the story of the first time you went roller skating.
I had gotten skates for my 7th birthday. And I took them out on the pavement in front of our apartment building and kept rolling in front of the big window next to the entrance. So I could see myself in its reflection. I did this the entire afternoon. I don't remember falling or being scared, so I guess I did allright. When I was eleven I would go to the kiddies roller disco with my friends. And then when I reached thirteen; BAM! I quit skating altogether. So when I retried for derby in september 2009 I sucked. And to be really honest, I still kind of do. I am afraid I will never skate like that careless and fearless seven year old again. Oh well.
3. Make sure to thank your refs and nso's this week at practice. Name your ref staff here as a shout out!
It is a crying shame, but I only know of our head ref, Belle Anger. And our head NSO, Red Peril. Who are both awesome. As I am still fresh meat with my new league, I haven't been to team practices or scrimmages yet. :/
4. What is your most committed penalty? How are you working on staying out of the box?
I have never played or scrimmaged. So I couldn't tell you for the world. I guess my whole; taking it reaaaaally slow before becoming a WFTDA-tested team-member is a way of staying out of the box. ;D
5. In light of the Oscars airing this Sunday post a pic of your fav derby movie!
Raquel Welch in Kansas City Bomber
I guess that's it for now. I am finally off to my meeting. Keep safe and keep rolling!
Wednesday was Roller Derby Practice day. Which is always awesome, but there were a couple of things that stuck by me:
If I focus on skating really fast, and not so much on my form (and mostly my fears) my cross-overs are effing awesome!
I can do a reverse cross-over. Be it really chunky and with an unhealthy heart rate, but I can.
I was so focussed on the exercises that the trickling of sweat from my brow rather surprised me. So I worked hard without really noticing. Good stuff!
The only thing I really dislike about the whole derby practice thing is that I get home so awfully late. If I'm lucky. If not, I will not arrive home 'till the next morning. I really need to sort out a place in Amsterdam to sleep over those wednesday nights. ;)
Thursday I left work a couple of hours early to go to the gym. I had a great workout in which I put a lot of the RDWC exercises and left the building very content.
Today I am feeling a bit under the weather, but I am planning to go to the gym for a bit after work to try and sweat it out.
Diet wise I've been doing ok. Not picture perfect (if you count the syrup waffle and three pieces of licorice) but well enough to actually notice the difference.
This weekend I've got a big run planned on Saturday and a day of work (on my feet) on Sunday, so I guess I am covered, exercise wise.
Diet wise...not so much...Saturday I will not just be falling off the wagon, but also gnawing on the wheels. Well, it is a conscious decision, so I am happy with it. :)
I guess it's homework time. Here goes:
What has been the hardest thing about the challenge so far?
Hmmmm...I guess the diet, as I've not been sticking to it. Though I am not mad at myself or disappointed that I didn't. Which is a change from last year. I guess I've allowed myself more this year, as long as I make up for it with more exercise. Which I have been doing, like darned mad. Yay for the gym!
Are you seeing any improvements on the track?
Not so much seeing as feeling. I don't get tired that fast anymore. I can get up faster when I fall down. I feel faster, but am not sure I really am.
Who is the founder of your league?
Limpin' Lily, who is currently our Fresh Meat Momma. She's Awesome. YES. SHE. IS.
What kind of wheels to you skate on?
For practice I use the standard crappy Fugitives that came with my skates. For outdoors or any surface I am not used to or scared of I use my Atom Pulse blue ones. They make me feel safe on any surface.
Post a pic of your skates or your dream skates.
I just realised that I never took a picture of my current (and already worn and slowly disintegrating) skates. And as I am not near my skates right now, that's not going to happen. What I'd like to have though...wellll...
Awww yeahhhh ;P
Right. It's back to work. See you on the other side of the weekend!
Friday I left work early and went to the gym for a 2,5 hr session of good, thorough workout. It was AWESOME! I am really looking forward to doing the same this coming Friday . Is there such a thing as a workout addiction? If so, I might have caught the bug...
Saturday morning at ten I was at the gym again for an hour run and some stretching exercises. That really was an awesome way to start the day. :)
As predicted I fell from the diet wagon pretty damn hard on Sunday. I had an awesome high tea with my friend Uzi. And something occured that never happened before; I could not finish all my cake! Seriously, the amounts of cake were overwhelming -and tasted awesome- and though my brain was making my mouth water thinking of all those lovely cakes, my body told me; NO! It actually made me slightly nauseous thinking about having to finish my cake. So there. That must mean something too, right?
We said our goodbyes promising to do it again soon, but then while just sharing the one sandwich between us. :)
Monday I was supposed to go to an extra derby practice, but things got in the way. To compensate I did take an hour walk. Because I can. ;)
This morning I started with the Roller Derby Workout Challenge exercises for day 2. Wow, I need to keep working peeps!
Tomorrow is Fresh Meat Practice, and this time without the luxury of a borrowed car, so I'll be dragging my gear all over the place the entire day. Extra exercise Id say. :)
I hopefully get to go to the gym on Thursday morning, Friday night and Saturday morning again. And that will be the end of week three! Only 5 more weeks to go!
I was late for Fresh Meat training on Wednesday due to traffic, so I came in just after my group had been doing a jumping, falling, getting up drill. The rest of practice was not as intense, we also spoke a lot about gear and stuff, so I didn't really break a sweat. Our trainer ended the session with a squatting drill that did make my legs burn, but I felt I really needed more exercise. Sadly I only got home at 11.30 , so I really didn't have any time to do more.
Thursday was my exercise free day, as it was ukulele class day. Somehow when not exercising my body screams for sugar, so I ate 5 chocolate syrup waffles in five minutes, which resulted in an entire evening of guilt. Awesome.
Today I get off early as I have to see my physical therapist. So that leaves me with more than enough time to go to the gym and make up for the past two days. YES!
As for this weekend; Tomorrow morning I scheduled a nice run, and on Sunday I am going to see my friend Furrrocious and help her run her 'recovery run' as she has had surgery on her legs and is on a tight walk and running schedule.
So yeah, I guess I am set. Though diet wise, I will not be doing so awesome. I have a high-tea planned and am getting breakfast made by M.'s sister. Ah well, I'll work it off. :)
So as stated, Monday night M. and me went to the gym across the street, to claim our free trial week of exercise. I figured it would take awhile, enrolling and such, but it turned out to be scarily easy.
"Hey, we've come for the free trial week?"
"Welcome, have you been to a gym before?"
"Errr...yessss..."
"Ok, well, let me walk you to the dressingrooms. This here is men...and that there is women."
"Oh, ehm..thanks...I...we"
"Yeah, have fun! Bye!"
Right. Well... We got dressed and both went our ways. I had a very satisfactory run and a gazillion crunch varieties, thanks to the trainer on the floor who was very helpful but also knew when to leave me the heck alone. M. was juggling all sort of weights and outrunning basically everyone on the treadmill. We decided to come back Tuesday night. I even enrolled for the circuit-class. Just because it sounded interesting.
Tuesday we came in half an hour before my circuit training started. It gave me some time to run and warm up. Then circuit training began. It basically came down to this; the trainer put plastic cards with numbers 1 to 16 next to different exercise machines, walked us through them, giving us a minimum of repetitions per minute. Then we chose a number. Got working on that machine for one minute. Then rested for 15 seconds. Worked one more minute (all the while trying to keep at least that minimum of repetitions) Then used 30 seconds for changing machines and rest. And started again. Meanwhile the trainer helped us out, working on our posture etc. I had a blast. And the fact that the trainer complimented me on my neat and controlled way of exercising did help! Then to top it off we got twenty minutes of abdominal exercise. Which almost made me cry, but I hung in there.
After training M. and I stayed a little to talk to the trainer. Which was fun, and made me want to come back and work even harder! So I will be back on Thursday. :)
So yeah, we're back on track with this awesome gym (How have we ignored it for so long?)
Tonight is Fresh Meat practice, and although I am not looking forward to driving in this wintery weather, I am looking forward to practice itself. FUN!
But first; back to work! Weeeeeeeehoooooo! (this is me trying to convince myself work is the funnest thing EVER)
It started this Friday, when I came home, feeling a bit under the weather, but nothing lethal. Yet. But things got worse pretty soon, and I felt MEH! very very MEH! So I cancelled a date with my friend J. to go and play the ukulele and decided to make it an early night, hoping things would look better in the morning.
Saturday morning at 6 my alarm went off; time for indoor Roller Derby Workout Exercise! YAY!
Or, more appropriate: NAY!
I somehow turned off that alarm (I tried blaming M., but that is so unfair) and slept on. Accordingly I slept through the 8 'o clock alarm (stop exercise, get into shower) the 9 'o clock alarm (brush teeth, defrost car) and the 10 'o clock alarm (if you are not in a car now, you are THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE EVER).
I woke up to find my windows and front door locked frozen and my time slot to get to the mixed ADD scrimmage completely fucked. I texted the teamcaptain (no reply, I really, really felt like a major A-hole now) and the fresh-meat captain (did reply, was awesomely sweet, which made me feel like an even bigger A-hole) and spent the rest of the day feeling sick, guilty and basically, like a huge A-HOLE!
That guilt stuck with me all through the day, especially when I couldn't get myself to exercise, let alone get up and get dressed. All I wanted was to lay on the couch under a blankie and ignore the fact that I felt like such a loser, such a lame ff-ing no show. And for what? And all the while I started feeling worse and worse. This was the weirdest flu EVER. Or was it?
Sunday morning I did wake up to my exercise alarm (suuuure, you do now, huh?) got out of bed, sat on the couch feeling like a total loser and, wait, have I mentioned asshole yet? No? Well, that too.
Stared into the nothing for 15 minutes. Decided to go back to bed and ignore the fact that it was day, and that I felt like...you catch my drift.
I woke up a few hours later in the foulest mood ever. I hated everyone, but basically I just hated me. I cancelled a friends kids birthday, as I felt I was in such a mood I could kill even the cutest kid. Also I still felt really ...MEH to tha MEH.
A couple of hours later, on the couch, still in my pajamas, not having done ANY exercise, I was pouting.
M. at the end of his wits, asked me if there was anything he could do to un-A-hole me.
I blurted; I need CHOCOLATE!
15 minutes and 12 melo-cakes later I was able to hold polite conversation, 30 minutes and 3 meringues further I was actually ready to shower and get dressed.
Only to find that...well it was that time of the month. Really? How did I not anticipate? DAMN YOU HORMONES! DAMN YOU TO HELL! I wasted an entire weekend on your whims, and I felt (and still feel) like a total asshole for not going to my appointments and such. Rrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaarrrrghhhhhhrrrr!
Aaaaanyway, today (of course, as the weekend is over) I feel a lot better, and I have an appointment at the gym accross the street tonight to enroll so I can continue my running programme AND the Roller Derby Workout Challenge in an equipped and heated location (which my house is not, on both accounts, really).
So with this refreshed (and sugar-replenished since yesterday) mood I will present to you the Roller Derby Workout Challenge Homework Week 2:
When is your next bout? Who do you play? Well I am still (or again, depends on how you see it) Fresh Meat, so I am bouting no-one. Not for awhile. But my leagues A-team is bouting this month! YAY! Get your Tickets HERE!
Do come!
Who is your derby crush? Who do you look up to and want to skate like? Master Blaster from Bear City Roller Derby, Berlin Bombshells. She is soooo agile, awesome and beautiful in her movements. Also; she is really nice!
Yup, that's her!
What music did you blast in your dance off workout? I used my Playstation Move 'Just Dance' dvd, which plays a lot of different songs. The one I remember most distinctively is 'I was made for loving you' by Kiss. They made me do a hoedown. I swear. ;P What is your one big derby goal this season? To make it to my leagues B-team and not shit myself every scrimmage.
Post your favorite derby photo!
It is not a photo but it is a video, this makes me really really want to try and become the best player I can be!
Oh well. Goal for this week? Work out more, and try not to suck so damn bad as I did last weekend. :(
Today I started with the Roller Derby Workout Video at six. I found that the muscle ache I've had since practice last Wednesday made it hard to do all exercises as full fledged and intensive as I wanted too. Oh well, I hope things will get better and easier soon.
Tomorrow is officially an exercise free day but I have decided to go for the 30 minutes dance workout again, for I feel that if I don't keep moving I will cramp up and die. :)
I was very frustrated at work -I still am there as a matter of fact- that I ate 8 pieces of licorice in a frenzy. And now I feel nauseous. Muuuuuuh...
This Sunday I will enroll in the gym across the street so I can pick up the running where I left off without risking breaking my neck on frozen snow or freezing my face off at six in the morning.
This morning I danced for 30 minutes. As I lack all creativity -especially at six in the morning- to make up my own dances, I thankfully made use of my Christmas gift; Just Dance on the Playstation.
Some of the dances are every bit of lame in the world, so there were moments where I self-consciously saw my reflection in the livingroom window do a hoedown to a Kiss song.
Oh well...
Last nights Fresh Meat Practice -which was awesome, by the way- made it clear that in spite of the running and indoor exercise I make myself do every morning, my leg muscles need all the work they can get. Today my calves are cramping up like there's no tomorrow. Even when I am just sitting. But for some odd (and probably very disturbing) reason I feel very good when my muscles ache.
Tonight will be a no-exercise night. Well, kind of. It's ukulele time!
:) Weeeeeeee!
Last weekend the weather decided the Netherlands need winter after all. So it's been snowing (a bit) and freezing (quite more), and I am not at all pleased. I swear it is too cold to go out for my morning runs, as my face already freezes off when I am still inside my bedroom. (I guess I must add that we only have single glass windows in there, but still)
Anyway, my bold resolution to do all of day 1,2 and 3's exercise last night, sadly failed. Instead I spent the night cleaning, doing laundry an cleaning and oh yes, cleaning.
So this morning I got up at six (I wasn't going to run anyways) and did all I had promised myself to do the night before.
While the cats groggily watched me do jumping jacks I was wondering why I make myself go through this sh*t.
Oh well, I know it all serves a purpose.
Tonight I am off for Fresh Meat practice with the Dames.
Yay! And tomorrow morning I will not rest, I will take my Playstation Move thingy and dance for half an hour before work. Because I can, and I have goals. HA!
Yes, that is pretty ambitious. But as I've spent the weekend in Berlin at EROC (which, again, was AWESOME, but I expected nothing less) and I've been in the car for the most part of yesterday, I decided to let my challenge start today.
Which means I have to make up for two days lost. So, on the schedule for tonight are the exercises from day one and two. (Repeat five times, oh hell)
And half an hour of playstation move dancing. Because I really think I can.
Don't tell me different.
Then tomorrow is Roller Derby Practice, and on Thursday I'll be right on schedule with day five.
Bám!
Oh and, of course; Homework week one
Which they want me to post in an open facebook note, but I won't. I am not at all in favor of open facebook anything. Which is why I even keep a separate Roller Derby profile. So I guess I won't be eligible to win the Wicked Skatewear gift certificate, but hey, I am not in it for that prize. I am in it for the new me. Again; Bám! (I am so turning into an ADD girl, it's amazing)
What is your derby name and how did you come up with it?
Welll...it is a long story. And I kind of answered it in last years challenge, when I was still called RheAlie-T-Check. And then I got one. A reality check that is. So I had to change my name, and instead of racking my brain for an original fitting name, I just used an online name generator. And there it was; Asa Spades. I applied, got registered, and then someone else wanted that same name. And you can read about that in an earlier blog.
What leage do you skate for?
I am a proud member of the Amsterdam Derby Dames
What do you think is going to be the hardest thing about this 8-week challenge?
No sugar. I am addicted to sugar. Very much so.
What will you buy if you win the Wicked Skatewear gift certificate?
I seriously doubt I will win it, as I am not using Facebook notes, but if by some miracle I do; I am finally getting some nice hotmpants for my new(ish) derby butt!
Post a picture with your note. This can be a before picture or something that will inspire you!
Tonight is practice night, and Friday morning Belle and me are driving to Berlin (through Essen to pick up Major and Wreckdoll) for Eroc. And on Sunday the 2012 Roller Derby Workout Challenge starts! So I will be blogging pics of my fat belly and ass as well as the sad looking half empty pantry for the next eight weeks.
But first I am getting ready for this derby filled weekend!
I'll start by shopping. All good things start by shopping. Right? ;P
Yes, I've said it. It is the saddest thing, but I've had to admit that my leaving RDRH has uncovered more than I wished for. I find I deeply miss the exercise -that I cannot fully regain due to my still recovering from the tailbone injury, which frustrates me deeply, madly- But I do not miss the group dynamics with particularly (yes, I am going to say it) women at all.
I also have had to admit I hold grudges. Even though I deeply wished I didn't. Though my decision to leave RDRH was fully and only mine, I still feel robbed. Robbed from my project, my love, my child. Robbed and betrayed.
And though I know that I cannot fully blame anybody else for the events that lead to my having to leave (yes having to, it really felt that way) I still secretly do. Not so secretly now huh?
It has come to the point where, whenever I hear my friend S. going off about Roller Derby, much in the enthusiastic, loving way I would have some months ago, I have to leave. It has happened twice now. I get up and go or completely zone out. I am hurt. Not by her enthusiasm, but by the realisation of what I've lost. And basically that is trust.
Wow, I just realised that now.
Anyway, the ADD ladies, who welcomed me so lovingly in my new derby home, have been more than accomodating and they would have had a much easier job keeping my derby genes happy had they not been an hour -at least- of travelling away.
And due to lack of practice and the fact I am still seeing a physical therapist for my tailbone, I struggle with my weight. Another fight I never seem to win.
Seem.
For as hurt, sad and derby allergic as I may be right now, I am not one to give up so easily.
Today I picked up the pace on my training schedule, for if anything I am disciplined enough to kick my own ass out into the storm and get working. I signed up for the new Roller Derby Workout challenge. I will attend the open scrimmage my league organizes tomorrow and try to catch the derby bug again. I will be at Eroc and I've signed up for EMT shifts for this summers RollerCon. I will stick with it, even if it kills me, darnit!
But if after RollerCon I still feel my stomach turn whenever I hear someone bring up Roller Derby, I will quit. And get some therapy.
And probably pick up chess.
p.s. Opposed to what this blog entry might suggest, I am feeling pretty darn happy today. Really. :)
