The trip that wasn't...

Sooo.... Wednesday on my way to practice I felt really nauseous...and once at Rotterdam Central Station I puked in a trash can. (which is hard, with these new-semi-lids they put on them)

I know you really wanted to know this.

Totally bummed, I went home. Where mr Flu kicked in really hard.

So no Cork for me. No announcing, no seeing my new derby sisters bout. I haven't felt this sorry for myself in a long time.

Consequently I gave M. the weekend from hell. I kept crying without detectable reason, (well, not really) was constantly clingy and whiny, and all he did was show endless patience, love and consideration. He truly must love me, or else someone is paying him huge amounts of...something without me knowing.

Let's hear it for my boy!

Anyways, if you'd like to know what I missed (and you too) read this Blog by Nasty from ADD 
:)

Next time I'll be there, darn it!

Asa

After the silence...

So on October 29th I had the honor to coach the Rotterdam Death row Honeys on their first public scrimmage.

My coaching mouth is no purrty mouth...

And of course they won

Yup, the final score!

Happy league!

And on november 2nd I started my first practice as a Fresh Meatie with ADD. I was nervous as hell.

...

But I loved it! I loved it so much I immediately transformed into sportsmonster, taking up Thai Boxing lessons again, and actually getting my lard ass on my bike instead of constantly taking public transport every-damn-where.
Speaking of lard-ass; my jeans are close to ripping at the thighs, so this change of attitude came not a day late. I've started my own 8 week challenge to get back in shape and jeans by Christmas, so by that time I can lean back and make a turkey disappear in one gulp.
Well, you get it.

Oh, and yes, I will try to blog more. For instance this weekend, when the ADD travel team takes me to Cork, Ireland where I will be announcing their 2nd public bout! HA!

How awesome is this?

Eight weeks towards scrimmage - day 36 - Why I've been on hold...kind of

Today I published the following message on behalf of 'my' league. The last message I will publish as president of the league I've founded, loved and watched grow. But she is a grown woman now, with her own sense of dress, dating people I don't (want to?) know and earning her own way. So like a good mom, I need to step away and let her spread her wings...

Rotterdam and Amsterdam settle the score

When in soccer Rotterdam and Amsterdam are known to have a history of resentment, chauvinism and hostility, in Derby none of these are true. In fact, from the birth of Rotterdam Death Row Honeys, September 2010 the Amsterdam Derby Dames have been more than supportive of the Rotterdam league. And vice versa. When one of the ADD ladies asked for a transfer to Rotterdam (she was moving house) both teams agreed and things were soon settled.
Women of both cities proving the mainly masculine soccer fans wrong. Something to be proud of.

In all organisations changes happen. Most of the time to stimulate growth and stability. Today within Rotterdam Death Row Honeys such a stimulating change has come. That former ADD girl has been chosen to become the new president of the RDRH.
So as of November 1st 2011, Bambi on Ice (aka Marion Strumpel) will be installed as the new RDRH president. She will also become the new interleaguer for RDRH.
In order to not leave the dames empty handed, we are giving them a skater in return. In fact, I, Asa Spades will start working on those (much neglected) skating skills as a Fresh Meat member for ADD.

So with that RDRH and ADD settle the score. And that leaves both leagues very much looking forward to meeting each other in the near future on and off the track. Because they will keep proving those soccer fans wrong.

If you want to say goodbye to me or just yell; Traitor! Please come out on October 29th, when we play our first public scrimmage in Brussels. The RDRH will be very appreciative of your support.
https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=123240647780807

If you want to see me with my new league, please book yourself a nice trip to Cork on November 12th, where I will be announcing the ADD vs Cork bout. Again, all support is greatly appreciated.
https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=204538906280752

If you have any questions concerning this message, please address them to the RDRH board; deathrowhoneys@gmail.com.

Thank you!

Asa Spades
Former president of Roller Derby Association
Rotterdam Death Row Honeys

I will always love my baby... ;)

Eight weeks towards scrimmage - day 27 - Things I learned this past week

This past week I have been taken over by this nasty virus. It has settled itself in my stomach and I am fighting it with anti-biotics and a thorough clinging to my sense of humor.
It only hurts when I laugh...

And while being sick, I find I learned some stuff as well;

• When I am convinced I am dying, due to stomach ache and projectile vomiting, all I can ask for is...my mommy
• My mommy is always there, even through the hurling
• A suppository is not what I supposed it was. 
• Also; it is not supposed to be fun
• I can crochet under any circumstance
• My whole family will be dressed in crochet clothing this winter due to this virus, thank you
• Help always comes from unexpected sources
• M. loves me
• M. might also have a defect in his sense of smell or sight, or both
• M. loves me
• I managed to not touch one cigarette for a week -yes, that's how sick I was- and when I lit up last night, just to see wether I'd like it, I got really sick, again. And hated the smell. So I guess that is one bad habit down.
• I am cleaning my innards and the slate at the same time. I do really believe that I am puking out the bad in me, the negative, the misery. Ok, so bacteria might have to do something with it, but you get it. 
• It takes a lot more than I'd think for me to actually die. That is quite the consolation.
• I love M. 
• I love my mommy
• I love them both unconditionally

I guess you never stop learning.

I am off to crochet a new kitchen and some hats for the apples in the fruit bowl. Or maybe I'll crochet the apples firrst...or....

Eight weeks towards public scrimmage; Day 11 - 80 F*cking Kilos

I happened to be around a scale. So I figured I'd weigh myself.

80 F*cking Kilos (176Lbs)

That's right. On a brighter side; I've been working the 'From couch to 5k' app. AWESOME!

But still...80... Geesh...

Eight weeks towards public scrimmage; Day 9 - The Virtue of Sock Derby and Gold Stars

Last night we merged the Fresh Meat group and Home Team for plyomterics followed by some sock derby.
We started by telling the girls we would like to reward team spirit, so we asked them to vote for the person they thought had shown the best team spirit after practice. Each week the votes will be counted and the winning girl(s) will receive a  gold star. If a girl gets ten gold stars, she is entitled to a derby gift from the coaches.
We then started with a good half hour of plyometrics in which the girls spotted and coached each other through  series of heavy repetitions. They all did great!

As for myself, I liked being able to finally work my body again. Though I felt kind of alone not having a spotter. I tried to sneak my way into other duos, but the girls were to fast for me, and didn't wait up (I guess mainly because  they weren't really aware of my trying to keep up). Another sure sign my stamina needs a lot of work.

After that we divided the group into to two teams. Each team got a captain. The captain would decide which girls would play the jam. The remaining girls would decide what strategy the team would try to follow. Then the jam would  be played while the non-playing girls would ref the jam. Immediately after the jam the captains would explain the chosen strategy, and all players would analyse their play. I think it was the perfect way to build more confidence in our players, work towards a stronger team, and try out plays with everyone. It seemed to lift everyones moods.

I am very much looking forward to distribute some gold stars this Saturday at practice.

Eight weeks towards public scrimmage; Day 8 - Self Censored

After quite some time I finally got back on skates for practice this Saturday. I felt very unstable, stiff, and after half an hour my ass started giving me crap. The muscles that I had avoided during my recovery of the tailbone episode were NOT amused. And I felt like I had to learn everything again. Which is interesting as I was training Fresh Meat. Well if anything, they could tell I could relate. In many many ways.

The Fresh Meat group, by the way, is what keeps me in derby these days. I love how they are supportive of one another, overcome their difference in skill levels, in fact use that difference to everyones benefit, how they are patient with one another, friendly and communicative. I was able to have them do pack exercises, even though there is a huge difference in skill level. It just shows that there is no difference in their comprehension of the game and of the concept of team-play.

*missing text due to self censorship  and sudden attack of sense*

I guess I am praying for a derby miracle.

Eight weeks towards public scrimmage; Day 4

Only after I had entered my office building I realized that M . had been trying to help me out this morning in urging me to take my bike to work. I had misread it for hysterical weather and distance positivism on his part.

So now I realize, I even subconciously avoid exercise...

I decided to walk to my physical therapists appointment later this afternoon, in a half-assed attempt to make up for not getting the hint.
Slight consolation there.

:)

Eight weeks towards public scrimmage; Day 3

Today is a bad day.

I deliberately slept in 'till way too late and then really took my time to get to work, thus missing an appointment, and lying about why I would miss it. (I did make sure to call upfront, that I did)
And I just felt a tiny pang of conscious guilt there...

Then I made M. take my bike to work, so I had to take public transport to work and the meeting later today, thus ensuring I didn't have to actually exercise today.

And instead of keeping to my diet I ate not two, but three powerbars during the day, because I am, by now starving and constantly craving fast food. In huge portions.
Three power bars will upset your stomach. And I am certain they give you gas.

It just hasn't been that good of a day....

Damned Derby Depression

Eight weeks towards public scrimmage; Day 2

Food is constantly on my mind.

I wished diet shakes weren't so nasty.

M. has convinced me (much to my stomachs and tastebuds delight) that he will cook me healthy non-fat and carb-free dinners, so I can shake my way through the day and have something to look forward to in the evening. Last night he made me beef satays and green salad with tomatoes. I almost ate the plate.


I haven't cried over food. Yet. So I guess I am doing fine.


Pretty soon it is time for 'lunch'.


Food is constantly on my mind.


Sigh...

Eight weeks towards public scrimmage; Day 1

Start cardboard shake diet for the gazzilionth time these past few months - Check
Go to physical therapist and get pushed, bent, stomped into shape - Check
Make workout plan for coming week - Check
Think of naked self while bending over everythime chocolate craving pops up - Check

I gues I am almost back on track people! HA!

No, really...

Road trip to Malmö; The Battle of the Nordic Light, the road back home September 5th 2011

The next morning we took it easy. Got up late, showered, cleaned our messes up and wet on our way. Pixie would drive the first part. Before we even left the street, I noticed something sitting on the front window. Was it? Yes it was. A parking fine. Great.

400 Swedish Kroner down the drain...

We decided to pray the Malmö authorities would never find out where Pixie lived and tried to forget about it. The way back to the boat in Denmark seemed longer than on our way in. Or was it just that we were tired?

On the boat we got sausages and fries –very expensive ones at that, but hey, if you are the sole provider, you can drive up prices like there’s no tomorrow, right? - trying to soothe our tired bodies.

Once in Germany, Pixie and I traded places at a gas-station, and we found an eighties radio station to accompany us on our race home. Somehow I had gotten the knack of driving the Twingo and as it was daylight my eyes were okay, so I stepped on it and raced –as far as is possible with a loaded Twingo- getting us closer to the border.

 When darkness started to fall Pixie took over again, and I figured it was time to find out whether Bambi, Furrr and I could still catch a train home from Eindhoven. After just crossing the German / Dutch border we found out we had little over 30 minutes to get to the station. If we wouldn’t make it, we would be in trouble, as we all had to work the next morning. Bambi and I even had our annual reviews scheduled for that day. Sleeping over wasn’t an option as all our clothes were smelly and not work clothes and all our files and stuff were at home. While the three of us held our breath and silently prayed, Pixie like a real trooper stepped on it. Hard.

Two minutes before the train rolled in, we got to the station. We ran out of the car, shouting goodbyes, leaving Pixie with a good mess of stuff on the floor, as we emptied her entire trunk trying to get our luggage. We ran to the platform and made it just in time. Due to this rushing I hadn’t been able to get a train ticket, as Bambi and I still panting explained to the train officer. He was obviously in a good mood and not put off by our smell, and he let me stay on the train without paying. Awesome! An hour and a half later I finally got home, where M. awaited me with some midnight sushi and wine. Home sweet home.

Road trip to Malmö; The Battle of the Nordic Light, second day September 4th 2011

I woke up with a hoarse voice, swollen eyes and hair like a birds nest. Yup I’ve obviously slept deep. Slowly but surely the house woke. We all took showers, got hot coffee from Go-go’s boyfriend, had some bread with very good cheese –Pixie and I were smitten- and got on our way for the first bout of that day.

The sleeping had effect and I felt like a million bucks, Handsome was awesome as ever as was Dusty Minefield, player for Malmö who announced the first bout with me.  The games were fiercely played and very exciting to watch. The music this day was courtesy of Paulina and DigiDroid who I can seriously recommend for any derby bout. They totally felt the game and chose their music accordingly. They were able to make musical jokes, be courteous in music and knew when the sound levels should change. I was one happy camper.

Roaming around the venue between bouts I stumbled on the cutest kid ever in a Mötorhead shirt. And being Asa Spades, I HAD to take a picture. And yes, I tried to steal the kid. But daddy wouldn’t have it. Understandably.

The last bout of the day I got to sit back and enjoy.  It was awesome! I couldn’t possibly have asked for a better closing of this awesome event. Luckily DNN was there both days, so you can watch it all in the comfort of your own home. ;)

When all was over, the entire audience and crew joined hands in helping tear down the floor. It was heartwarming to see everybody lend a hand and thus making sure Swede Hurt and Vix Viking didn’t have to do all that work all by themselves. All in all a very harmonious end to an awesome event. Big ups to Swede and Vix for organizing this!

After a quick drink and saying goodbye to some of the players that had to get going in order to be back at work in tome on Monday, we left for Go-go’s house. But not before catching Handsome Joe Hanson on his bike, with a well-deserved beer.

We took Harry, a referee from Stuttgart with us to Go-go’s home, where Go-go and her boyfriend treated us to delicious home-made pancakes. I bet we had the best hosts there were that weekend. So accommodating and relaxed, I cannot thank them enough.

After dinner Bambi, Pixie and I got ready and wearing our custom made ‘She came to the North’ shirts (Thank you Pixie!) we stepped out and went to the after party.

Pretty Bambi

The Birthday Girl

As it was Furrrocious’ birthday, we tried to bum drinks of off people in order to celebrate. Not to much avail, but we had loads of fun trying. We later moved to another venue that Fist F*cker, a player from Malmö had arranged. Her friends were DJ-ing and the derby party was ON!

After an hour in there I felt really tired again, and found Go-go who was also planning to go home, as she had to work the next day and get up at 7. Bambi decided to join us and Pixie said she would come in later; she had way too many people to talk to, and was still on a roll.

Last thing I remember was waking up to Pixie coming in around 4. But I fell right back to sleep after that. Dreaming of girls on skates.

Road trip to Malmö; The Battle of the Nordic Light, first day, September 2nd

After the Ref and NSO meeting was done and the hugging started (It’s what happens when Derby people get free time, they spread the love. ;)) I realized I had less than an hour to get ready for announcing the first bout. I was stinky from the drive, high on sleep deprivation and all I really wanted was a shower. Lucky for me Swede Hurt, who organized the whole event and still had loads of things to take care of, found the time to direct me towards Handsome Joe Hanson who was the perfect host. He directed me towards a shower, got me coffee –moooore coffeeeee, I was turning into a shaking sleep deprived idiot by then- water and soothing words, and in a Jiffy I was ready to start announcing.

Working with Handsome was a breeze, we had loads of fun, and from the reactions from the audience I think so had the audience.

Who, me? Said the owl.

BAM!

 

The day flew by, the three bouts were awesome to see and report. I completely loved being a part of this awesome event.  Never once did I feel tired, bored or distracted. Again being so close to the action turned out to be an awesome experience that taught me a lot. I guess in or close to derby you never stop learning.

After the last bout, Bambi, Pixie and I found our designated host Go-go Rillah, who directed us to her house. She had just moved in, so her house was pretty much stuffed with cardboard boxes, for which she kept excusing herself. The three of us assured her that there was no reason for excuses.  We were very honored she would have us, and soon enough she got us set with beds, sheets and I even got an interesting plush toy to sleep with…

Go-go took us to a falafel joint, some five minutes walking from her house.  When we entered the restaurant we realized we all were starving. Dinner was yummy, but it also did me in. Go-go, Bambi and Pixie decided to go to the after party, but agreed to drop me off at Go-go’s house first so I could sleep. By this time I was so tired I was on the verge of tears, so this was a very wise decision. While getting ready for bed in the bathroom, where I hadn’t closed the door, I heard keys in the front door. I swiftly pulled my pajama pants up and stuck my head ‘round the corner to see who was coming in. It was Go-gos boyfriend. Relieved that I managed to get dressed just in time, I introduced myself and made my way to bed. Where I soon fell into a much needed, deep, deep sleep.

Road trip to Malmö, I drove all night, September 2nd to 3rd 2011

After saying goodbye to our kind hosts, the four of us piled up in Pixies Renault Twingo and off we were to Sweden! It was my turn to drive, and I really had to get used to Pixies car. For one, I couldn’t for the life of me get it started. Yes, you read that right, I couldn’t even start it. When I finally managed due to Pixies loving, ever patient instructions, I found I couldn’t get it in reverse.  Yes, again I admit to my lack of skills.  Long story short, it took us some time to get going, and it took me more time to get my eyes semi-adjusted to the dark. As Germany has actual hills –opposed to the flatlands of Holland I know and love- the poor Twingo sighed under our weight and had a hard time getting uphill and getting into gear. Admitted, I had to discover what she liked best when it came to gear shifting and pushing down the gas pedal, but the poor thing had a hard time, as had my fellow travellers who had to sit through various interesting speed levels in which I tried to enter the big world of German highway speeding.

At some point it all clicked, and I happily drove from coffee stop to sausage bar, slowly but surely coming closer to Sweden.

Ha!

Trying to stay awake for the trip, we soon found ourselves sharing stories, from the hilarious to the embarrassing, from the touching to the scary. If anything, we got to know each other much better, and being the romantic I am, I do believe friendships for life have been made during that car ride.

A little over an hour before we got to Puttgarden harbor where we would take a boat to Denmark, Pixie took over the wheel, and everyone could bask in the silence that followed, as I immediately dozed off. Ah the joy of a silent Asa…

By the time we entered the boat we were all crazy from sleep deprivation, resulting in us cracking up over the silliest of things, and much to the annoyance of other people on deck, constantly trying our fake Swedish accents. Yup, we were tired alright.

At 10.15 we arrived at Baltiska Hallen in Malmö, where Pixie and Furrr had just missed the beginning of the Ref and NSO meeting. Bambi and I, not knowing where to go, decided to follow them to the last bit of the meeting, figuring anyplace where we could sit and not think for a little was paradise. But as it turned out, this was just the silence before the storm.

Road trip to Malmö, first stop; Solingen, New Chicks on the Block, first official Pirate Brides bout September 2nd 2011

Though I had known about it for quite some time, the decision to go to Malmö and see the ‘Battle of the Nordic Light’ came relatively late. Triggered by a post on Facebook by Pixie Spankalot, head referee for the Eindhoven RockCity Rollers, in which she asked who was up for an eight hour drive to Sweden. As I am always a sucker for road trips, I immediately jumped the opportunity. And that got the ball rolling.

Not only had ‘Showtime’ kindly linked me to Sweden’s head announcer Handsome Joe Hanson, which resulted in me getting the opportunity to announce five of the six bouts in this tournament, it also got me to agree to NSO for the Wuppertal Pirate Brides first official bout in Solingen, Germany.

The road trip was supposed to start Friday afternoon at three thirty, at the Eindhoven train station, where I would be picked up by Pixie and Bambi, the vice president of my league. We would then drive up to Germany. Pixie would ref, I would NSO and Furrrocious would join us there and then we would drive straight through to Malmö. Yup, straight through the night.

But of course things didn’t go exactly as planned. For some silly reason I had not noticed a platform change in trains, which resulted in me getting on the wrong train and thus making us all late for a good hour or so.  But finally we were ready to go, though we first needed to get some gas. And that made for the first interesting picture of this trip.

Looking deep into Pixies eyes...

We got to Solingen just in time, some girls were already warming up and the public slowly but surely filled the room.

We made sure we got ready.

Pixie, gearing up

 

Bambi, kind of lost

Me, being kinda nervous

It was my very first time as a penalty tracker, and frankly I was super nervous. I read and re-read the instructions, got some consoling words from Furrr who was in charge of the penalty box, took a deep breath and went for it.

Official Line-up

Furrr running the penalty box like no other. ;)

A piece of the action

It was an awesome experience! It gave me a whole new perspective on the game, and really helped me a lot in understanding more and more of the rules and regulations. My respect for Derby referees has only grown.

The bout, played against the Roller girls of the Apocalypse, was a nice one, no dirty plays that I could see, just two teams really wanting to win. Sadly the hosting party lost the game, but certainly not without a thorough fight! And I must compliment the Pirate Brides on their thorough organization. They’ve done an awesome job (I had never gotten a photo pass before, let alone food, candy, snacks and drinks galore!) and were very hospitable. It really made me want to come back and help them out again soon!

But as soon as the bout was over, Pixie, Bambi, Furrr and me had to get going as we had a long drive before us. So no after party for us. But from what I hear we missed out on a great one! So next time, I sure would like to stay for that!

Asa and the other Asa

When at RollerCon I heard about another Asa Spades. Actually someone even photographed her ass and posted it on Facebook, after which a Dutch friend mistook her ass for mine. Which M. immediately dismissed, saying; 'These are not the buns I know...'

Long story short, I was relieved I had registered and had gotten my name confirmed. And I silently vowed to kick this daring Asa's butt if ever I met her. 

We never met. I jokingly told everyone she must be scared of me and went into hiding.

Last night I received this  e-mail:

Hi Asa,

I tried to message you on Facebook, but we all know that doesn't always work.  Anyway, I'm really sorry that I didn't get to meet you at RollerCon.  I did try, but it seems our schedules conflicted. I did get confused for you a few times but that's not exactly the same thing. :)  Well, I'm sure you know, as do I, that we currently share the same derby name.  I know that you know how I feel, because my friend Blanca told me that you two spoke about it.  I am currently using the name as well.  Please understand that I mean no disrespect.  Unfortunately, I did not expect for this name to be rejected and all of my derby clothing, scrimmage gear, helmet, etc, say "Asa" on them.  Until I get a new name, I am kinda stuck with this one for now.  I actually didn't buy anything with my name on it for several months, even though everyone in my league was calling me "ASA".  But, with RollerCon on its way, I needed to use my derby name.  So, a month before RC, I broke down and got gear with my derby name.  I triple checked twoevils before I did this.

I would love to have your permission to continue using it.  We are in different countries, so I'm REALLY hoping you'll say yes.  If by chance we play each other or attend the same function, I'm happy to change it for those situations.  Otherwise, I'll just be San Diego's version of Asa.  I'm not a high profile skater, other than in the local area, so I don't think anyone will confuse us. 

I respect your decision, if you choose not to allow me to continue using it.  However, I am hoping (and praying) that you will.  I promise not to get famous or do anything stupid to make the name look bad.  I am considering other names, its just hard because I've been Asa since February. My friends and family (and few fans) know me by that name.  Everyone is telling me to keep it, but I don't feel right about that unless I have your permission (please!).

On a side note, I have met a few other girls named Asa.  I think we should all get together, from all over the world, and form a challenge team for next year's RollerCon.  The "Smok'n Asas".  Thoughts?

Thanks for reading this, I hope to hear from you.

Penny 

Asa Spades (2)

 

This got me thinking. Hard. About how I  had felt when I had to give up Rheality Check. About how I still dream of one day moving to SD and becoming a Roller Derby Queen in the US. About how I was entitled to this name, dagnabbit! So I answered her this;

Hey you!

Ah, I was wondering where you went! I even jokingly asked Blanca whether your were hiding from me, afraid that I would kick your ass.

I understand the pain of losing a name. Asa is my second one. Things pretty much went the same for me as they went for you, so I really understand where you're coming from.

There are so many things that go through my mind. Things like; I have a lot of friends in SD  and I am there regularly,  and somewhere in the back of my mind I have always had the plan of moving back there. What if? And my league mates tell me to tell you, you are simply too late, and that I am rightful owner of the name. All I think about, when I go over my name sharing cons, are selfish things.

But you know what? I am not an asshole. At least I like to think I am not. So what if you have the same name? So what if we, in some far away future, end up playing against or with one another? We'll deal with it then. As a kid I wished to find someone with the same name as me. That never happened. So I will embrace this as my childhood dream come true. I share a name with someone far away that must be awesome or at least have good taste, otherwise she wouldn't have picked the same name. ;P

So Asa, miss Spades, congratulations on your name. And next time, don't run from me, but find me and we'll have a drink to celebrate awesomenameness. :)

And about that RollerCon challenge team; HECK YEAH! Sign me up!

Love,

Asa Spades (the other one)

World beware, there are two of us now! And strength comes in numbers! :)

Asa Spades - Playing the hand I've been dealt: Working towards a new season and a new butt...

Asa Spades - Playing the hand I've been dealt: Working towards a new season and a new butt...: As our new season starts Monday September 5th, and I am trying to get our league and not in the least myself ready for it derby work seems ...

Working towards a new season and a new butt...

As our new season starts Monday September 5th, and I am trying to get our league and not in the least myself ready for it derby work seems to rain down on me like Niagara Falls. It seriously feels like there is no end to all these tasks. But I cannot shake the feeling, that part of me makes these tasks up just to not let go, yet.


While dividing my tasks among the new boardmembers and chiefs of committee I stumble upon missing links, loose ends and the traces of my recent derby depression still whispering of time and efforts wasted.
But if anything I am one stubborn girl, so I am putting my money where my mouth is. Or die trying.


Hereby I promise myself the following:

This week I will finish all the stupid tasks that I've given myself.

This week I am not yet allowed to skate (My physical therapist basically said; 'Sure you can go skate. If you don't mind having to spend another four weeks in therapy and your recovery set back a few weeks more.' Right. Got that message, thank you.) but I am hosting a basic skating skills class tonight, which should get my derby blood flowing again.

Today I started my famous diet (gotta love those cardboard shakes and soups that taste like hot tears with ketchup) as I really need to shed those extra pounds.

This week I will bike to work every darn day (because sadly that is the only exercise I am allowed, and guess what, I HATE biking)

This week I will make a reasonable schedule of hours I allow myself to spend on derby for the next month. (Not only am I rationing my food, but also my time. It is all I can do to stop myself from going completely nuts.)

This week I will drive to Solingen (Germany) and Malmö (Sweden) to officiate and announce derby bouts and I will enjoy it dagnabbit!

This week I will be very hard on myself when it comes to not being so hard on myself.

This week is the first step towards a happier, healthier me and, let's not forget, a but I can flaunt. At any occasion. Because basically, that's all a girl needs. ;)

Starting over

My baby is growing up –and so am I, I hope…

Right after getting back from RollerCon, night fell upon my Derby Life. Being founder and president of a starting league –we just finished our first season- was no longer a challenge I was willing to take on. It was something I started to loathe. It sucked up time, effort and energy and all I felt I got back was complaints, frustration and stress. My body started to protest as well. Heavily. I lost sleep, got major back-, neck- and headaches and gained a pound or 20 in a matter of weeks.

I tried to find comfort in food, television and naps, but all it did was make me feel worse. I even went to see my physician, but he just gave me a huge stash of valium. Right. Valium, to me, who won’t even take ibuprofen unless there is a limb falling off of my body. But I was at wits end, and sleep deprived to the point where I started hallucinating, so I took one and went to bed.

Ever slept while having a panic attack and breathing problems? It’s HELL. I had the scariest dreams ever and woke up in a sweat wanting to never sleep again. Long story short; that was the last of them pills I’ll ever be taking.

I needed to get out of this, snap out, get back to normal, start enjoying things again. Most of all I longed to enjoy derby again. But my body ached and my morale had left me. I went to see my physical therapist who basically told me I had cramped up in every possible way, meanwhile damaging my spine and pelvis, and that, while she would try to get me back in shape I needed to address my problems, for this was all caused by my stress. Great. I knew that, I just didn’t know how. Meanwhile I had her bend and slap the bejeezus out of me in order to get back to the point where I could at least walk without pain.

During summer break, my league had set up some summer clinics, a few of which I had volunteered to coach. I dreaded them. But I am a good girl, so I did my preparations and dragged myself to the first one.

And I guess it was there that I realized why I had agreed to throw my life away and marry derby almost a year ago now. There were a lot of new girls who had just joined our Fresh Meat group, some two weeks before summer break. And their hunger, enthusiasm and joy made me remember mine. And made me remember that if anything, I could give them what they were after; Derby Love.

So instead of kissing derby goodbye forever –which I had secretly decided on, while eating a tub of Ben & Jerry’s some days earlier – I decided to welcome her back in my life. But not unconditionally. I needed to see my baby, this league, as it was; an adolescent growing to be a beautiful lady, and treat her as such. I needed her to take responsibility, but she needed to get some in order to do that. I needed to treat her with respect and welcome the friends she had made in her first year.

So I started to really delegate, not just on paper, but for real. Over the past few weeks I’ve been carrying the binders, reports and other paraphernalia I had hoarded in my house towards new homes and new moms and dads. It was a relief. I was glad to see that there were others that cared for my baby as much as I did. Today I finished cleaning out the digital derby mess I made, and tomorrow the last of my burden will be mailed to their rightful new owners.

So now it is time to take a good thorough look at me. The stress may have been taken care of, but the body is very much out of shape. So after this weekend (I could never start anything on a Thursday, that just feels wrong) I am back in the gym, on the track and in the physical therapists hands. I am back to working my ass into those booty shorts, and back on my quest to become an athlete, and yes I am close to forty. So what?

With derby, I can.

Coming to Rollercon - Day Nine - Ok, so there is more to tell, and I can't sleep anyways

Lots and lots more!
What I thought would be a relatively mellow EMT shift turned out to be the most hectic shift I've had until now!
To sum it up;
Lots of twisted ankles, swollen knees, a couple of nosebleeds, a case of severe dehydration, a concussion, and a scary fall with what looked like a possible neck fracture, but what turned out to be -thank the lord- a good hit with a concussion for Rex Havoc. I had a lot of help from San Diego's Hose Her Down, who is awesome and probably could have done it all without me. And of course Sweetie who has really worked her butt off this week and was always at the right place at the right time. Oh heck, every single EMT, volunteer, announcer, manager, ref and helping hand at Rollercon was amazing. Thank you so much for making this week the so much more than I expected!

After the shift, I dwelled by the vendors rooms, like a beggar hoping for scraps, that of course, were not there. I did stumble across Krissy Krash though -if you don't know her, crawl up from under that rock and look her up, she is an amazing skater AND coach for Derbalife. And guess what Holland; Derbalife is coming your way soon! And that is AWESOME! Got it? AWESOME!

So after my beggars round, I went to find Whip who was at the DBC track as Buttblock and Myagi had entered the open scrimmage! I have video footage of that, but it is too big to upload, so I'll try to compress it at home and put it here later. Just trust me on this; even though they were both knackered after this intense week of practice and partying, they ROCKED!

After cheering them on and yelling ourselves silly, Whip, High-D and me went for dinner. Whip and I had a copious Indian meal, which I couldn't even finish, while High-D stuffed herself with fried noodles and broccoli. Then High-D went off in search of 'More Southern Comfort' as she stated and Whip and I wandered through the casino, crazy tired, on our way to get after dinner coffee and tea. When we got near the pub, we were stopped by WundaMike who was talking to some other announcers and EMT's. We soon heard of an announcers party at the DNN suite, so off we went!
The suite was proof that this hotel does not just have uncleaned, smelly rooms with poop floating in the tub. There was a nice living room set up, with a bar AND they had Rockband installed! (Courtesy of Hurt Reynolds) Soooo with free drinks, the best people ever in the house AND music to play, the party soon was on its way. Best quote of the night -according to Buttblock- 'That is not a mic stand, those are my boobs!'

Myagi and Buttblock going aaalllll out!

Rock it baby!

Good to know that even in Vegas I still look like an ass when I'm belting things out.

This is THE band. Like THE DNN...

Oh yeah!

I take singing way too seriously, I should get over myself, no, REALLY

Sadly, I had to leave early as my flight is due early tomorrow morning, and though I am already sad that Rollercon is over, I am also very ready to go home. So I guess I am putting my laptop away now, and get into this unmade bed for the last time, so Sweetie and I can fall asleep to the sound of some crappy old comedy or soap episode. Next time we talk, I will be back home, missing Vegas, but on my way to help making Derby as huge in Holland as it is in the states...

Coming to Rollercon - Day Nine - Getting ready to get home

So this morning I did not have to announce, so I could sleep in. Right. Of course I wake up at seven. Sharp.
Oh well. I say goodbye to sweetie who is off for her early shift and decide to start packing, so I will not have to do that tomorrow morning. After a good hour of fitting, refitting, contemplating throwing half of my dirty laundry away, sitting on the suitcase and stomping on my shirts I make sure I check into my plane online. After I am done I decide to write some while I still can, and am able to remember the hows and whats of the past days.

In half an hour I am off for my last EMT shift of Rollercon, and then I will go for a nice dinner and ty to make it an early night before I head home. So I guess this pretty much is the end of my Rollercon report. I had a blast, I learned so much, and met so many nice people, my head and heart will be spinning for the next couple of weeks I am sure.

Bye Vegas, thanks for this experience and guess what? 'What happened in Vegas, comes home with me.' ;)

Coming to Rollercon - Day Eight - F*ck Yeah!

Those of you who have been reading my blog know about the waking, dazing, rushing and waiting for my first announcing shift begins. So let's skip that. This morning I am announcing a challenge between Fresh Meat and Green Horns. I am luckily paired up with the lovely Deuce Bagalow (seriously, I have developed a small crush there, she has the mildest friendliest air about her)and we have fun comparing pinks to greens. ;)


After that I take some time off to run through vendor hall to get all of my present shopping done. (Bear, Heidi and Bambi, you guys are in for treats!) I even score something for M. that is not too derby and really up his alley. With two bags stuffed with goods -so ignoring the fact I only brought one suitcase that was already overflowing when I got here- I make my way to the announcers room for the full hour lunch bout between team Rap and Rock. Of course I am doing Rock (I mean, come on, what'd you think?). My co-host Chip Queso brought me a lovely zebra striped tie and some skull clip ons to dress up with, while he is shiny from all the fake bling he's wearing. Tara Armov -LEGEND- is there with us too.The first half me and Chip are mic one and two, giving a game play by play, while Tara does mic 3 (sponsoring, and fun facts). For the second half Tara and I trade places. It is overwhelming (Mic 3? For real?We usually have just one....are you paying attention Puppi?) I am shitting myself, but also really enjoying the ride. Afterwards Chip gives me some really helpfull tips, that I decide to take back with me to Holland, as this was the last bout I'll be announcing in Vegas.

While my head is still full of all the impressions and I am on an adrenaline high, I get some lunch and go for my EMT shift. The first class is about Pivot and Jammer skills. Wow! I mean; WOW! I wrote as fast as my hand could, stumbling over words, but still managing to make some intelligible notes. Furrrocious who is in this class -after I told her not to skate anymore yesterday as her ankles were acting up but allowed her to skate today- sadly falls really hard, her kneepad snaps  right off and she lands on her knee. When I make my way towards her I see it is already turning black. I ice her and call Whip to see if she can spend some time with her, as I have to ge back in the room. Thank the world for Whip who makes her way there in five minutes. Even here in this chaotic madhouse of a convention we find each other and have each others backs. The second class in my room is called; The Pivot; the glue to being 5 strong. It is awesome and makes me want to move to San Diego and join their team. NOW. Funny side note; throughout the class I am constantly reminded of Rotterdams player, Bear. I dunno, she just seemed to fit the picture completely. So Bear, if you read this; get ready for some pivoting. ;)

When my shift is done, I want to go upstairs to get something to eat and then get dressed for my wedding, as I am marrying my derby wife Sandra Buttblock tonight. But before I am even close to the doors, I am stopped by my EMT manager, Mister Sister. He tells me I have to go up, Val is looking for me. He looks really serious. So me being me, I freak out immediately. I am sure I have f*cked up during the lunch bout. I must have said something inappropriate, or weird and now I will have to pay. I run as fast as I can towards the announcers room and still panting I tap Val on the shoulder. 'You were looking for me?' 'Yes, please sit down.' Oh my god, she asks me to sit down. I am so dead right now. 'You know there is a big WFTDA officiated bout going on tonight?' (Hell yes, I know! I have been stoked all day, knowing I'd get to see it!) 'I want you to announce it.' I feel I am blushing deeply. I stutter something I don't even know what I mean. 'I think you have done a great job, I heard great things about you from the vets, I trust you completely I want you to do it.' I am trying so hard not to scream or do my silly ecstatic horse dance right now. I somehow manage to tell her I am honored, I will do it, and will be there in time. And then I dash off outside, to bum a cigarette off of someone, I am so freaking out I NEED to smoke.

So I am third mic on this really important game between Denver and Bay Area. Joe Mama -I know, it made me snicker too- is doing Denver and Dumptruck -that guy has a voice, seriously, you want to take him home and have him announce every single thing you do. I secretly imagine him saying; 'Opening fridge door, getting bottle of milk, pooring milk, and she picks up the glass, she puts it to her mouth aaaaaand sheee drrrrrrrinks!!!'- will be for Bay Area where I will fill up the 10 second gaps and timeouts with sponsorships and Euro derby talk (Why do I keep thinking of Euro trash? ;P).
The game is awesome! Please go check it on-line. There is some fierce crazy stuff going on there. Exiting to the point where I really feel and remember why I have chosen to give up my life for derby again, but also slightly discouraging when you see how great these girls are, I only know we have a looooooong way to go in Rotterdam.

So after the bout I bump into my wife to be Sandra Buttblock in the hall. She is looking stunning with her golden booty shorts and as she so sweetly states 'naked top' (it is not naked, she just cannot wear a bra under it, so it's...naked ;P). I apologize for my lack of dress up, which, being the sweetheart she is, she immediately forgives me, and we set off for the top of Riviéra room to get hitched.
There is a hallway with 8 elevators in the building, and still there is a line that goes all the way back to the pool entrance. After a good 20 minutes we finally reach the top floor where we are greeted by Whip, who has been helping to get the room ready. So how was the marriage? This is how:

In line for the wedding

Our minister, Elvis Preggley

Always wanted a gazebo picture!

Please join hands...

And repeat after me...

You may kiss your bride...

Ring vs Bearing

Happy babe!

Just Married!

Even Jerry Seltzer made it to our wedding!

So after all that, we decided to go for dinner in the pub. But first to my room as my wife needed to get out of those heels, and borrow my flipflops. When we got into the room, we found it had not been cleaned, though it was passt ten in the evening, and there was this penetrating stench, that Buttblock referred to as 'Puttekeslucht'. I suggested that maybe my roommate had taken a dump and then left. But then again, she is so not the type to stink the place up. I turned on the airco / fan, hoping that would help and then went into the bathroom. 'Honey, can you come here please?' I yelled. 'What, what is it? Bugs?' 'No, hun, it's worse.' Sandra stuck her head around the bathroom door. And gasped.

In our bathtub was a good 3 inches of water, with brown splotches of what appeared to be -going by the smell- shit floating in it. I kid you not. So I called housekeeping, filed a complaint and waited till  the maid -who I in fact did feel sorry for- showed up. With the stench still filling our noses, we proceeded towards the pub. On our way there we found High-D, Whip and Myagi in the hallway finishing mini bottles of Jack. Seriously, that High-D has a knack for finding alcohol ANYWHERE. And she manages to bum it off of people too. Good person to have around you when you're out and about.

After dinner we went on to join the Karaoke bar where the SuckerBunch left an impression with our interpretation of No Limits. No there is no footage of that, and that is a good thing, trust me. Furrrocious and I took a shot at Journeys 'Don't stop believing' and then we decided it was time to go to bed.

When I got to the room Sweetie had already come in, and was in bed. I asked her if she had noticed the smell. 'Yeah, what is that?' I told her about the phantom shit in our tub. We are both grossed out again. We wish each other goodnight and fall asleep to reruns of 'Married with Children' cuz' that's how we roll. ;P